“I will get a high-paying job by 25.”

“I will own a house by 30.”

“I will be married before 30.”

“I will finish my Master’s by 24 and jump straight into a PhD.”

We all give ourselves these timelines as we enter adulthood—invisible checklists that mark our idea of success, security, and self-worth. Somewhere along the way, these plans stop being gentle aspirations and start becoming silent ultimatums. And when life doesn’t go according to plan? We panic. We spiral. We assume nothing will ever work out.

Too often, we make a life plan that revolves around career titles, marriage timelines, degrees, and bank balances. And when things don’t unfold as planned, we take it as a personal failure. Maybe you had planned to buy a house by 30, but you’re still renting. Maybe you imagined you’d be married by now, but you’re single. Or maybe you thought you’d be halfway through your PhD, but you’re just beginning to figure out what you really want. When that checklist is disrupted, we fall into overgeneralization: “If this didn’t work out, maybe nothing will.”

Let’s take J.K. Rowling as an example. By her early 30s, she was divorced, broke, and believed she had failed at life. Her original plan had fallen apart—but in the midst of that uncertainty, she wrote Harry Potter. What felt like falling behind turned out to be the beginning of something extraordinary. Maybe what feels like falling off track is just the track shifting.

So why do we hold onto these timelines so tightly? Why do we punish ourselves when things don’t unfold the way we mapped them?

Sometimes, we stick with a job we no longer love because it feels safer than trying something new. We stay in situations that don’t serve us because the plan said we should have figured it all out by now. We burn ourselves out to reach goals that were never ours to begin with. And perhaps most dangerously, we make decisions out of panic rather than purpose. Getting married because you’re “running out of time” instead of waiting for the right person. Pushing through depression and burnout because your checklist says you should already have your dream car or house.

But here’s something we forget: just because Plan A didn’t work out doesn’t mean there’s no plan at all.

Plan B isn’t a failure. Plan B might be the path that actually suits who you’re becoming. Plan C might hold the version of you that feels most alive. Maybe your real life plan was never about status, money, or external validation—maybe it was about joy, discovery, and alignment.

Remember the things you once loved, the simple dreams that made your inner child light up. Maybe you wanted to bake, or paint, or learn salsa, or go trekking. But over time, those passions got replaced by so-called “more important,” “realistic” goals. Revisit them. Bake that cake. Go to that dance class. Because we decide what is productive and what isn’t. If your passion or hobby fills you with energy, peace, or joy—isn’t that a kind of productivity too? Spending hours at a job you hate isn’t more meaningful just because society says it is.

Don’t let your life checklist only be about what the world deems impressive. Include the things that feel like you. Your timeline doesn’t have to match anyone else’s. Your plan can be yours alone. The idea that everyone should achieve certain things by a certain age is not only unrealistic—it’s harmful. It breeds shame, self-doubt, and unnecessary urgency.

You don’t need to follow the timeline or life plan you created based on societal expectations—or the one you gradually convinced yourself was the only way to be “successful.” You’re allowed to change it. You’re allowed to rewrite your checklist.

If you’re not where you thought you’d be by now, pause. Breathe. You haven’t failed. You’re evolving. And the most meaningful paths are rarely the ones that go according to plan.

Create a life list that includes what feels meaningful, fulfilling, and aligned with who you truly are, not just what looks good on paper.

Psychologists often say every human being is unique, and it’s true. If every person is different, doesn’t it make sense that every person’s timeline should be too?

So stop measuring your life against someone else’s milestones.
Start building a version of life that feels like you.