“I have always felt more loved when I am successful.” 

I have heard this several times, said like this or expressed differently, but always sharing the same underlying sentiment. The question that emerges from these conversations is profound: do we indeed receive more love when we achieve greater success?

In our achievement-oriented society, it’s not uncommon for individuals to believe that their worth—and, by extension, the love they receive—is tied to their successes. This perception is not merely a reflection of personal insecurity but is intricately connected to the broader cultural narratives that equate success with the worthiness of love and attention.

From a young age, we are conditioned to aim for accolades. The child who wins a spelling bee feels the warm embrace of proud parents and the admiration of peers. As adults in the workforce, our promotions and achievements often draw more praise and perceived respect from colleagues. This external validation can feel like love, but it’s crucial to differentiate between admiration for one’s achievements and genuine affection for one’s self.

Let’s understand how this happens with a typical high school scenario: a student, let’s call him Alex, scores top marks on a crucial exam. Suddenly, he’s showered with praise not only from teachers but also from peers who seldom noticed him before. This surge of attention feels like acceptance and admiration, which Alex might confuse with love. The fear creeps in almost immediately—what if his next test scores drop? Will the smiles and congratulations disappear as swiftly as they came? 

(Sounds Familiar ?)

This anxiety about maintaining his performance for fear of losing that newfound ‘love’ illustrates how conditional this perceived affection can be. It highlights the precariousness of basing one’s self-worth on external validation rather than internal acceptance.

This equation of success with love can lead to a persistent fear — a fear of being ‘NOBODY’. This fear is pervasive; it haunts the schoolboy striving for the highest grades and the adult pushing beyond limits in a corporate setting. 

The underlying anxiety: IF I DO NOT SUCCEED , WILL I STILL MATTER ?

Let’s address the truth: you are somebody now. You matter not because of what you can do or what you have achieved but because of who you are. Genuine affection—true love—is not a prize awarded to the highest achiever. It does not fluctuate with the stock market or appear only in the spotlight of awards. Real love is constant (in health and in sickness ; in success and in failure) and unwavering (even if, at times, it is not expressed in the way you wish).

Living with the belief that one must earn love through success can lead to significant psychological strain. It fosters conditions like anxiety, depression, and burnout, as individuals push themselves to the brink, not just for success, but for the love they believe comes with it. This belief system can undermine true self-esteem, replacing it with a fragile scaffolding that crumbles when we fail to meet expectations—our own or those of others.

It’s imperative to challenge this mindset, both in ourselves and within our culture. Celebrating intrinsic worth, encouraging self-compassion, and fostering environments where people feel valued for their innate qualities are steps toward untangling success from love.

Today, in this fiercely competitive world, take a moment to reflect on your intrinsic value. Understand that your worth is not a tally of your accomplishments but the richness of your character, the depth of your kindness, and the steadfastness of your integrity.

Every time you hear someone say, 

“ONE DAY I WILL BE SOMEBODY,” remind them—and yourself

—that ‘YOU ARE SOMEBODY NOW’. 

Important and valued, not for what you achieve, but simply because you are you.

As you navigate through your days, remember that the love you deserve cannot be quantified by your successes. It is measured by the authentic connections you cultivate and the genuine self you bring to every moment. So let’s shift our focus from succeeding to being—truly being—in each moment with sincerity, grace, and an open heart. This is where our true value lies, and where real love finds its deepest roots.